The Favourite one

 

Note: this is a spoiler of Episode 4, Season 4 of the Crown. Thus, it is necessarily based on true facts.

“He was right, actually…, who would have known…”

This reflection drums in my head as my husband, the Duke of Edinburg, leaves the room with this sarcastically smile that I hate since the day I met him over 30 years ago.

Who would have said that what Miss Thatcher told me two weeks ago would result into this humiliation…?

I could barely believe her words when she said that her son was her favourite offspring. I immediately thought that was immoral. I love all my children the same! But then, when sharing my concern with the Duke, he did not only tell me Anne was his favourite, but he stated that I had one as any parent does! This thought brought a mix of curiosity, anger and concern.

So, I decided to check in with the four of them to try to understand if I had indeed a favourite one.

I first met Edward at Buckingham Palace. It had been a while. His explanations about being bullied in school saddened me. But the worst of it was his lack of sense of duty, just a sense of entitlement. Extremely power hungry for his young age.

Then I went to see Charles in his Gloucestershire residence. Never easy with him. He made me feel this was part of an official visit. And, as he eased, it became worst. Just he, him and himself! So self-centred! No sign of love towards Diana, sick in her bedroom, just disdain. I could not stand his conversation and left suddenly. I know regret it. Another bridge burnt.

Andrew broke down all protocols by choppering in on the Navy helicopter at Windsor Castle and attracting all the attention. He has always loved that. Jolly conversation about the Navy and his new girlfriend. Is she the right one? His commitment to go to the Falklands makes me happy and full of pride but I am not convinced about that relationship. We will have to talk again.

My relationship with Anne has not been as troubled as with Charles, but not too smooth either. We met at her home and went on a horse ride. It felt good but as we sat down, we quickly moved to pity island (the paparazzi, Diana, anxiousness). I asked her to look at the mirror and see privilege and a life anybody would envy. Be patient! She stood up and left extremely annoyed complaining about my lack of action.

Since then until today many reflections around these discussions. I have been trying to avoid the conversation with Phillip. However, today he looked at me and punched me with the question: “Have you reached a conclusion?”. He knew I had met with the four of them as a follow-up of his inquiry. He also bloody knew I had reached a conclusion as when I mentioned Andrew, he noted “your favourite?”.  This was probably evident in my subconscious and obvious to him (and to others?). Now it is on the surface and tortures me. How to deal with it?

 

As Queen Elizabeth, we all have our favourites in the different spheres of our lives (parents, colleagues, friends, etc). As leaders, we probably know who we would pick to go on a trip or to have a friendly and relaxed dinner. However, as a leader, is it ok to have and demonstrate favourites?

-        Are you aware of who are your favourite ones in the team?

-        Do you think your team or others feel you prefer ones over the others? Does it bother you?

-        What are you consciously doing to avoid the bias you may have towards those you sympathize more with?

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